... or else.
Showing posts with label Public Service Announcements. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Public Service Announcements. Show all posts
July 25, 2011
July 23, 2010
Public Service Announcement: What they really mean by "Children's Programming"
Jade got a special treat the other day and was allowed to watch an episode of Go, Diego, Go!. We cuddled together on the couch as Diego instructed commanded us to clap our hands and point out the obvious route that the characters should take and flap our arms and shout "hola" and "rápido", all with a healthy dose of positive feedback.
Suddenly, it occurred on me that the show (and it's relative, Dora the Explorer) is really part of a nefarious ploy to program our children so they do whatever the television tells them to do without question! How positively evil!
If you've seen even one episode of these shows, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, I encourage you to check it out - but don't watch for too long or they might get you, too!
Suddenly, it occurred on me that the show (and it's relative, Dora the Explorer) is really part of a nefarious ploy to program our children so they do whatever the television tells them to do without question! How positively evil!
Buy this! Wear that! You will obey me! I command you!
If you've seen even one episode of these shows, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, I encourage you to check it out - but don't watch for too long or they might get you, too!
April 28, 2007
Projectile Rice Rockets
It would now appear that human viruses can be harmful to your computer. I have written the following Public Service Announcement because I don't want the same thing to happen to you that happened to me.
Projectile Rice Rockets - A Public Service Announcement
Attention all computer users who have an uncontrolled cough and are eating rice: Don't eat rice while using your computer. An untimely cough may cause a mouthful of rice to launch out of your mouth at high speeds and coat your computer and the surrounding area.
This warning applies to both cooked and uncooked rice. Eaters of uncooked rice should be especially wary because 1) the hard rice is fast and sharp when launched and may ricochet back into your eyes and 2) because if you're eating uncooked rice, there's something wrong with you. This warning also applies to flavoured rice, minute rice, wild, brown, shortgrain, and all other rice varieties.
Should you be the victim of projectile rice rockets, please remain calm. Commence clean-up with a soft dry cloth immediately, before the rice has an opportunity to dry and harden.
Projectile Rice Rockets - A Public Service Announcement
Attention all computer users who have an uncontrolled cough and are eating rice: Don't eat rice while using your computer. An untimely cough may cause a mouthful of rice to launch out of your mouth at high speeds and coat your computer and the surrounding area.
This warning applies to both cooked and uncooked rice. Eaters of uncooked rice should be especially wary because 1) the hard rice is fast and sharp when launched and may ricochet back into your eyes and 2) because if you're eating uncooked rice, there's something wrong with you. This warning also applies to flavoured rice, minute rice, wild, brown, shortgrain, and all other rice varieties.
Should you be the victim of projectile rice rockets, please remain calm. Commence clean-up with a soft dry cloth immediately, before the rice has an opportunity to dry and harden.
January 02, 2007
Eight minutes of the New Year - WASTED!
I am not going to write this as a Public Service Announcement, but please consider yourself informed...
I don't want this to be one of those "complaining blogs", but I cannot believe that I wasted eight minutes of the New Year and eight minutes of my life watching this crap!
You know the USA is in trouble when the President has the time to participate in things like the "Barney Cam". I mean, who pays for this garbage? No wonder America is sinking deeper and deeper into debt.
The only moment of light in the whole thing was when Dolly Parton appropriately declared "Oh, I wouldn't have missed this for nothing in the world." You've gotta not hate those double negatives.
So, why did I watch eight minutes of it? It was like a car accident. It was like a plane crash. It was like a drive-by shooting. You see it happening, but it's so awful - so horrific - that you just can't turn away. Not that I've seen a plane crash or a drive-by shooting, but I imagine they would be pretty hard not to watch.
Please don't watch this video. I don't want to be responsible for wasting eight minutes of your life, too.
I don't want this to be one of those "complaining blogs", but I cannot believe that I wasted eight minutes of the New Year and eight minutes of my life watching this crap!
You know the USA is in trouble when the President has the time to participate in things like the "Barney Cam". I mean, who pays for this garbage? No wonder America is sinking deeper and deeper into debt.
The only moment of light in the whole thing was when Dolly Parton appropriately declared "Oh, I wouldn't have missed this for nothing in the world." You've gotta not hate those double negatives.
So, why did I watch eight minutes of it? It was like a car accident. It was like a plane crash. It was like a drive-by shooting. You see it happening, but it's so awful - so horrific - that you just can't turn away. Not that I've seen a plane crash or a drive-by shooting, but I imagine they would be pretty hard not to watch.
Please don't watch this video. I don't want to be responsible for wasting eight minutes of your life, too.
January 01, 2007
Male-specific frostbite.
Nanuq and I decided to finish 2006 with a good, long skijor. We have been practising a little bit for the next Copper Haul Twister race, but I have had to face facts that, while we can keep going and going and going, we are not sprinters.
You see, I have been blessed - and cursed - with a smart dog. He'll pull, but if he's pulling, he'll do it at the speed that he wants. And that speed is walking. If we go any faster than that, he'll stay just far enough ahead of me to keep the line up, but he won't pull. I'm sure that he's not doing this out of laziness, but rather, is thinking, "You're doing just fine on your own. You don't need my help right now."
Except that when I do need his help - like when we're going up hills - he doesn't pull. I'm sure that he's not doing this out of laziness, but rather, is thinking, "If I pull now, I'll just throw you off balance, and you don't want that, do you?"
The only time he runs is when we're going down a hill. And he isn't pulling then. He's just making sure he doesn't get run over.
I am glad that he runs down hills, though, and am grateful that he hasn't tried to repeat his attempt to de-harness himself by stopping suddenly on a downward slope. I could see the knowing look in his eyes and the little doggy smirk on his face as I flew down the hill past him. The rope that connected us, which was slack while I passed him, suddenly went taught. Nanuq braced himself with his back legs and put his head down as the harness began to slide over his head and front legs like a t-shirt. The rope, connected to my harness with a length of bungee cord, disconnected, sending the rope flying limply back towards Nanuq, where it fell harmlessly onto the ground, and the bungee cord recoiling into my stomach. Fortunately, the bungee cord didn't snap back a little lower.
So it was a lot of fun yesterday when we went skijoring a steady pace, and just kept going and going and going. We had no set course; we just went where we felt like we wanted to go. Sometimes I picked our route and sometimes I let Nanuq pick our route. We kept going for about 25km, up hills and down hills, alongside roads and over trails. It was great! Nanuq, happy to just keep going, even pulled me on semi-appropriate occasions. And while he never really broke into an all-out run, he had a good trotting pace that nicely supplemented my skiing efforts. It was magical. We "clicked".
We were both glad to be outside. It was cloudy enough that the low winter sun didn't glare into our eyes, but it was also a warm day and I was cooking in the few layers I had on. When I took my small backpack off to stuff more clothes into it, I noticed that it was soaked with sweat. Which makes it that much more shocking that I was very nearly a victim of "Male-specific frostbite".
WARNING: The following public service announcement is intended for mature audiences only.
Male-Specific Frostbite - A Public Service Announcement
Attention male cyclists and skijorers: While you might already take precautions to cover your extremities during the winter time, there are certain gender-specific appendages that may remain vulnerable.
Boxer shorts, boxer briefs or commando-style undergarments1 may not hold your genitalia close to the protective warmth of your body. This exposure may be exacerbated by an increased wind chill while cycling. It may also be caused by having your man-parts isolated by a skijoring harness2.
If you begin to notice that you have a "chilly willy", stop and attend to the matter immediately. You may need to warm the affected parts with your hands, or better yet, with your friends' hands3. Failure to do so may result in a loss of sensitivity on the affected part. In extreme cases, blackening or blistering may occur. Amputation may be required.
You may prevent male-specific frostbite by wearing briefs or, better yet, a Peter Heater4.
On our way back home, I ran into (not literally, of course) some friends from Fort Liard who are in town for a quick trip to celebrate New Years. It's amazing who you run into when you're skijoring along the Alaska Highway!
1I'll leave it to your imagination which option I choose.
2Guys, if you have ever worn a rock-climbing harness, then you know what I'm talking about. Girls, if you've never seen a guy wearing a rock-climbing harness, just picture a male ballet dancer wearing a codpiece.
3I caught it early enough that I didn't need either.
4I don't own one, but I know someone who does. It has bells on it.
You see, I have been blessed - and cursed - with a smart dog. He'll pull, but if he's pulling, he'll do it at the speed that he wants. And that speed is walking. If we go any faster than that, he'll stay just far enough ahead of me to keep the line up, but he won't pull. I'm sure that he's not doing this out of laziness, but rather, is thinking, "You're doing just fine on your own. You don't need my help right now."
Except that when I do need his help - like when we're going up hills - he doesn't pull. I'm sure that he's not doing this out of laziness, but rather, is thinking, "If I pull now, I'll just throw you off balance, and you don't want that, do you?"
The only time he runs is when we're going down a hill. And he isn't pulling then. He's just making sure he doesn't get run over.
I am glad that he runs down hills, though, and am grateful that he hasn't tried to repeat his attempt to de-harness himself by stopping suddenly on a downward slope. I could see the knowing look in his eyes and the little doggy smirk on his face as I flew down the hill past him. The rope that connected us, which was slack while I passed him, suddenly went taught. Nanuq braced himself with his back legs and put his head down as the harness began to slide over his head and front legs like a t-shirt. The rope, connected to my harness with a length of bungee cord, disconnected, sending the rope flying limply back towards Nanuq, where it fell harmlessly onto the ground, and the bungee cord recoiling into my stomach. Fortunately, the bungee cord didn't snap back a little lower.
So it was a lot of fun yesterday when we went skijoring a steady pace, and just kept going and going and going. We had no set course; we just went where we felt like we wanted to go. Sometimes I picked our route and sometimes I let Nanuq pick our route. We kept going for about 25km, up hills and down hills, alongside roads and over trails. It was great! Nanuq, happy to just keep going, even pulled me on semi-appropriate occasions. And while he never really broke into an all-out run, he had a good trotting pace that nicely supplemented my skiing efforts. It was magical. We "clicked".
We were both glad to be outside. It was cloudy enough that the low winter sun didn't glare into our eyes, but it was also a warm day and I was cooking in the few layers I had on. When I took my small backpack off to stuff more clothes into it, I noticed that it was soaked with sweat. Which makes it that much more shocking that I was very nearly a victim of "Male-specific frostbite".
WARNING: The following public service announcement is intended for mature audiences only.
Male-Specific Frostbite - A Public Service Announcement
Attention male cyclists and skijorers: While you might already take precautions to cover your extremities during the winter time, there are certain gender-specific appendages that may remain vulnerable.
Boxer shorts, boxer briefs or commando-style undergarments1 may not hold your genitalia close to the protective warmth of your body. This exposure may be exacerbated by an increased wind chill while cycling. It may also be caused by having your man-parts isolated by a skijoring harness2.
If you begin to notice that you have a "chilly willy", stop and attend to the matter immediately. You may need to warm the affected parts with your hands, or better yet, with your friends' hands3. Failure to do so may result in a loss of sensitivity on the affected part. In extreme cases, blackening or blistering may occur. Amputation may be required.
You may prevent male-specific frostbite by wearing briefs or, better yet, a Peter Heater4.
On our way back home, I ran into (not literally, of course) some friends from Fort Liard who are in town for a quick trip to celebrate New Years. It's amazing who you run into when you're skijoring along the Alaska Highway!
1I'll leave it to your imagination which option I choose.
2Guys, if you have ever worn a rock-climbing harness, then you know what I'm talking about. Girls, if you've never seen a guy wearing a rock-climbing harness, just picture a male ballet dancer wearing a codpiece.
3I caught it early enough that I didn't need either.
4I don't own one, but I know someone who does. It has bells on it.
December 19, 2006
Nipple Implosion
#1 in a series of postings with horribly misleading but completely accurate titles.
Yesterday, something horrible happened to Jade and me. Please read the following PSA to ensure that the same thing doesn't happen to you.
Nipple Implosion - A Public Service Announcement
Nipple implosion is not a medical condition, but rather an unfortunate situation that occurs when a bottle-feeding child over-zealously sucks on a bottle without stopping to allow any air to enter the bottle. This causes the interior of the bottle to approach a vacuum state. The atmospheric pressure around the bottle exerts pressure on the walls of the bottle. The weakest point of the bottle, in this case, the nipple, is drawn inwards.
If this situation is not caught in time, with a slight popping sound, the seal made by the nipple may break, causing the contents of the bottle to spill all over you and your child.
Nipple implosion may result in a hungry child who screams and squirms and just wants to be fed while you are attempting to get that same child into some dry clothes.
Please pay attention when feeding your child through a bottle. Only you can prevent nipple implosion.
Yesterday, something horrible happened to Jade and me. Please read the following PSA to ensure that the same thing doesn't happen to you.
Nipple Implosion - A Public Service Announcement
Nipple implosion is not a medical condition, but rather an unfortunate situation that occurs when a bottle-feeding child over-zealously sucks on a bottle without stopping to allow any air to enter the bottle. This causes the interior of the bottle to approach a vacuum state. The atmospheric pressure around the bottle exerts pressure on the walls of the bottle. The weakest point of the bottle, in this case, the nipple, is drawn inwards.
If this situation is not caught in time, with a slight popping sound, the seal made by the nipple may break, causing the contents of the bottle to spill all over you and your child.
Nipple implosion may result in a hungry child who screams and squirms and just wants to be fed while you are attempting to get that same child into some dry clothes.
Please pay attention when feeding your child through a bottle. Only you can prevent nipple implosion.
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