Next on ES"PEE"N...

When Jade was having frequent seizures, potty training was a futile effort. She'd have a seizure, lose bowel control, and that was about as far as we could get.

After we got her daytime seizures under full control, I was ready to go full-steam-ahead with the potty training, but was informed by those with superior knowledge of such matters to lay off. The rationale was that she has so little control over anything in her life (especially when it comes to what goes into her body - thanks to the ketogenic diet) - that we should at least let her control how things come out of her body.

Since that proclamation, potty training has been a fairly low-key affair with just a little bit of gentle nudging here and there.

The past several mornings, through her own initiative, Jade has been waking up very early to pee on her potty. She is now showing this same initiative throughout the rest of the day.  Naturally, we're ecstatic.

This evening, however, potty use transformed from being a proud accomplishment for our eldest child into a competitive sport. You see, Halia has decided to get in on the act.

The following play-by-play took place within a thirty-minute time period:

Announcer: Jade lifts the lid, drops her drawers and sits down. Did she score a goal? She did! It's the first play of the game! The number one point goes to Jade for a little bit of the ol' number one! Mama, our referee, confirms the goal and cleans out the potty.

Oh, Halia wants to make a play for the endzone. Is it complete? It is! One point for Halia for some number one and the crowd goes wild! Halia's feeding off the crowd's positive energy and is clapping her hands with glee. This rookie really knows how to get the crowd going.  Referee Mama cleans out the potty once again.

Oh, what's this? Jade is ready to go for another goal? How can this be? But it is! This really is remarkable! What a champ! She scores! One more point for Jade! Referee Mama is being kept busy this fine evening. I hope she doesn't forget the potatoes she's got roasting in the oven.

No. Say it isn't so! Halia insists on another try at a goal! Can she do it? A small child like her doesn't have the bladder capacity of her older competitor - and yet, she does it! The score is tied at two-to-two.  The crowd goes wild!

What a remarkable game, but we still have some time remaining. Anything could happen!

Halia and Jade have moved out to the deck. Halia, bare-bottomed has climbed onto a plastic chair. How can this be? Her legs are soaked. The chair is soaked. Can it be she's gone pee yet again? Referee Mama has given up and has sent referee Meandering Michael to investigate. The referee's ruling is official: It's a hat-trick - or it would be if he weren't declaring a "foul for peeing out-of-bounds".

Halia is now being rinsed and dried before she's allowed to return to the deck. The action has been fast and furious in this evening's match. Although Halia has peed three times, the score remains tied at 2-2. Will Jade use Halia's "gotta-be-empty-by-now" bladder to her advantage to break the tie?

Oh! There's something new on the other chair on the deck. It's a number two! It came from Halia who has it all over her feet! Referee Meandering Michael is really declaring a foul now. Halia's play would have been worth two points for the number two, but no points will be awarded as it did not land in the potty. Back she goes for a wiping, rinsing, and drying.

What a match this has been. The advantage is Jade's but it's still anyone's game. Jade seems pre-occupied out on the deck. Halia is making a move. She's sitting on the potty again. Can it be? How can this incredible athlete have anything left to give? But she does it! She does it! She scored! Two points for a number two! Where does it all come from? What an athlete! What an athlete! She's being lavished with praise but she must be wiped.

The match is now over, with the final score sitting at 4-2 for Halia. Stay tuned for "Mine! Mine! The toy tug-of-war championships for two-year-olds".

Discovering the secret to potty training...

After more than a year of futile attempts to potty train Jade (efforts that were hindered, in part, by seizures that caused her to lose control of her bowels), the secret to potty training Jade has finally been revealed.

Want to know what it is? It's surprisingly simple. I'm surprised I didn't think of it before. The secret is to...

Leave her alone.

By alone, I mean "leave her at another house in the neighborhood with a potty where she'll go pee all by herself." By alone, I mean "leave her alone upstairs so that when you go back upstairs she can tell you about the poo she put into the potty."

So what if I couldn't give her a high-five because she also got poo all over her hands? She pooed in the potty!

I'm going to have to leave my kid to her own devices more often...

A kid update.

It has been a while since I did a kid update.

Halia is eating, sleeping, pooping, growing, and discovering how to shove her hands into her mouth. I notice that her neck is getting pretty strong already. Her hair is getting really light-coloured and her eyes are turning blue.

Chillaxin' on Mama's lap.

Halia thinks deep thoughts in her sleep.

Jade is doing well. She's still having seizures and some days are better than others, but we're seeing progress in her development again. The ketogenic diet is definitely working, but I think that we need to do some more fine-tuning. She seems to crash in between meals. Maybe she needs more food to produce more ketones?

Today was not great seizure-wise, but it has been great, language-wise. She's repeating almost everything she hears and is using words that we didn't even know she knew.

Jade gets her first professional haircut from Cheryl.

It has been a little upsetting to me that she's almost three and still isn't potty trained, but she's had a pretty good excuse. She's making efforts, though, and today was a good example of that. We have her in panties almost all day now. She still isn't telling us when she needs to go to the potty, but she's taking control of the situation and is figuring out her own way to deal with nature's call.

This afternoon, when she had to go, instead of telling us, she improvised and made her own potty. Seriously. I didn't realize what she was doing when she took a puppy-training pad and put it over the musical instrument basket. With her pants still on, she squatted over the makeshift potty and went.

Other than the wet pants, I'd say it worked pretty well!

Jade's makeshift potty.

Dooty Duty.

The dog's droppings in the front yard or while out on a walk.

The cat's litter box.

Jade's soiled underwear (we're potty training).

Lately, I seem to be spending a lot of my time in the feces management sector. It's the career that I never asked for, that I don't love, that I don't find rewarding, and don't even get paid for.  I would quit, but I can't.  My family's counting on me.

At the other end of the occupational spectrum, just before I went on the road last month, I celebrated my second anniversary of self-employment! Yay!

Father's Day Surprises

I'll be heading out of town for a couple of weeks for work. Because Fawn will need to assume all of the day-to-day household responsibilities while I'm gone, I couldn't, in good conscience, burden her with the task of making a special day just for me, right before I leave. That, of course, can wait until I get back.

So, like those smart families that postpone Christmas by a couple of days, we're postponing Father's Day. That doesn't mean that I didn't get a couple of Father's Day surprises, though.

Surprise #1
Now that we're not living in hospitals, we're potty training Jade.  It's time.  We got her some big girl panties, which she loves to wear.

Mostly, Jade is an honest kid.  There's only one thing that she lies about.

When I ask, "Jade?  Do you need to go pee?" her response is always, "No!" - even if she needs to pee.

When she's wearing her big girl panties, I ask her this question over and over, hoping that, one day, she'll say, "Yes!" at which point I'll whisk her away to the potty where she'll pee and then we'll celebrate the joys of urinating while keeping the clothing dry.

This afternoon, Fawn was getting a little concerned about how long it had been since Jade went pee.  Was she dehydrated?  Is her new medication causing some sort of problem?  She kept asking Jade if she needed to go, but Jade kept saying, "No!"

I was sitting at the table, eating a delicious rhubarb torte that Fawn had somehow managed to assemble this afternoon.  Jade was sitting on Fawn's lap and decided that she wanted to sit on mine instead. I thought, It's so sweet that she wants to be with her daddy.

And then she peed.

We both watched as the water oozed through her clothes, into mine, and down onto the floor.  I kept expecting it to end quickly, but the pee kept coming.  The puddle was getting larger and larger until there was enough of a puddle to launch a canoe.

My neighbour, Cathy, who was sitting across the table, said, "Somehow, it seems like a very appropriate Father's Day gift."

Hm.  Yeah.

Surprise #2

Our cat, Crook, is an indoor cat.  At least, he's supposed to be. For many reasons, I'm not a fan of outdoor cats.

Unfortunately, Crook has mastered the art of escaping from the house.  He's so good, that sometimes we don't even realize he's outside until we go outside and see him sitting in the yard.  He never seems to go far and he'll sometimes come when called, which is good, but short of leashing him while he's in the house, there's no way to keep him indoors.

This evening, I left the back door open while we enjoyed our dinner.  That way, he could come back into the house for his evening meal instead of scratching at the door to be let in.

I got up from my supper to get Jade's medication and, when I returned to my seat, I noticed a furry little present on the floor.  Crook had killed and brought a freshly-killed field mouse into the kitchen.  It was still soft and it was still warm.

As I  carried the furry carcass back outside, Crook sat on the deck looking at me.  He sat there with such pride; the mighty hunter, sharing his good fortune with his family.  

I, on the other hand, felt like I had just been given the ugliest sweater in the world, but couldn't say anything about it because the knitter/gift-giver had just declared, "It's the best sweater I've ever knitted!"

How do you respond to something like that?

Do you scream, "Never knit me another sweater ever again!"

Do you politely decline and give the sweater back?

Do you pretend to enjoy the sweater?

Do you say nothing and try to forget that the sweater even exists?

Do you take away the knitting needles?

I said nothing and gave the poor mouse a bush burial while Crook looked on.  I hope I didn't hurt his feelings.  I hate to think about what I might find in my bed some morning.

Stepping in it.

When I was in Saskatoon for a conference, I stopped by a book store and got a book for Jade called "Once Upon a Potty".  Jade had just been introduced to her potty and liked to sit on it and read. (I wonder where she gets that from?)

The book tells the story of Prudence, how Prudence got her potty, and her misadventures in learning how to use it.  In the end, though, she gets it right.

In my wisdom, I figured, get Jade the book and she'll figure out how to use the potty from reading the book together.

I am never as wise as I like to think I am.

As Jade was sitting on the potty, we read the book, yet again.  Then, just as we finished the book, Jade got off the potty and "made a poo-poo" on the floor.  Just like Prudence!

What the book doesn't show is Prudence stepping into the pile of feces and then standing back to show her dad.  And then, as she's showing her dad, walking around a little more to find another place to make another pile of warm poop.  Which she does.

The book also doesn't show Prudence's dad's attempts to stop his child from walking all around the bathroom and turning the green floor into a brown-covered canvas.  It also doesn't show how, in his desperation to contain and clean the mess, he puts Prudence into the bathtub with a bit of water.  

And the book certainly doesn't show the bits of poo that were once stuck to Prudence floating around the tub as Prudence lifts a cup that was in the tub to her lips and tries to drink some of the poopy water (which her dad, fortunately, stops in the nick of time).

In the end, "Prudence's dad" gets the mess all cleaned up.

"Prudence" is now enjoying a warm bath in the freshly scrubbed tub.

Poor "Prudence's dad" has cold feet because he had to take his socks off to be washed.

Stupid book.