July 06, 2010

Next on ES"PEE"N...

When Jade was having frequent seizures, potty training was a futile effort. She'd have a seizure, lose bowel control, and that was about as far as we could get.

After we got her daytime seizures under full control, I was ready to go full-steam-ahead with the potty training, but was informed by those with superior knowledge of such matters to lay off. The rationale was that she has so little control over anything in her life (especially when it comes to what goes into her body - thanks to the ketogenic diet) - that we should at least let her control how things come out of her body.

Since that proclamation, potty training has been a fairly low-key affair with just a little bit of gentle nudging here and there.

The past several mornings, through her own initiative, Jade has been waking up very early to pee on her potty. She is now showing this same initiative throughout the rest of the day.  Naturally, we're ecstatic.

This evening, however, potty use transformed from being a proud accomplishment for our eldest child into a competitive sport. You see, Halia has decided to get in on the act.

The following play-by-play took place within a thirty-minute time period:

Announcer: Jade lifts the lid, drops her drawers and sits down. Did she score a goal? She did! It's the first play of the game! The number one point goes to Jade for a little bit of the ol' number one! Mama, our referee, confirms the goal and cleans out the potty.

Oh, Halia wants to make a play for the endzone. Is it complete? It is! One point for Halia for some number one and the crowd goes wild! Halia's feeding off the crowd's positive energy and is clapping her hands with glee. This rookie really knows how to get the crowd going.  Referee Mama cleans out the potty once again.

Oh, what's this? Jade is ready to go for another goal? How can this be? But it is! This really is remarkable! What a champ! She scores! One more point for Jade! Referee Mama is being kept busy this fine evening. I hope she doesn't forget the potatoes she's got roasting in the oven.

No. Say it isn't so! Halia insists on another try at a goal! Can she do it? A small child like her doesn't have the bladder capacity of her older competitor - and yet, she does it! The score is tied at two-to-two.  The crowd goes wild!

What a remarkable game, but we still have some time remaining. Anything could happen!

Halia and Jade have moved out to the deck. Halia, bare-bottomed has climbed onto a plastic chair. How can this be? Her legs are soaked. The chair is soaked. Can it be she's gone pee yet again? Referee Mama has given up and has sent referee Meandering Michael to investigate. The referee's ruling is official: It's a hat-trick - or it would be if he weren't declaring a "foul for peeing out-of-bounds".

Halia is now being rinsed and dried before she's allowed to return to the deck. The action has been fast and furious in this evening's match. Although Halia has peed three times, the score remains tied at 2-2. Will Jade use Halia's "gotta-be-empty-by-now" bladder to her advantage to break the tie?

Oh! There's something new on the other chair on the deck. It's a number two! It came from Halia who has it all over her feet! Referee Meandering Michael is really declaring a foul now. Halia's play would have been worth two points for the number two, but no points will be awarded as it did not land in the potty. Back she goes for a wiping, rinsing, and drying.

What a match this has been. The advantage is Jade's but it's still anyone's game. Jade seems pre-occupied out on the deck. Halia is making a move. She's sitting on the potty again. Can it be? How can this incredible athlete have anything left to give? But she does it! She does it! She scored! Two points for a number two! Where does it all come from? What an athlete! What an athlete! She's being lavished with praise but she must be wiped.

The match is now over, with the final score sitting at 4-2 for Halia. Stay tuned for "Mine! Mine! The toy tug-of-war championships for two-year-olds".


Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan said...

mahahahah!! I absolutely love the play by play.

Hurray for potty training!

Anonymous said...

You should go pro!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Great laugh, thanks for the play by play! Loved the plays out of bounds ;)

Captain Momma