Projectile Rice Rockets

It would now appear that human viruses can be harmful to your computer. I have written the following Public Service Announcement because I don't want the same thing to happen to you that happened to me.

Projectile Rice Rockets - A Public Service Announcement
Attention all computer users who have an uncontrolled cough and are eating rice: Don't eat rice while using your computer. An untimely cough may cause a mouthful of rice to launch out of your mouth at high speeds and coat your computer and the surrounding area.

This warning applies to both cooked and uncooked rice. Eaters of uncooked rice should be especially wary because 1) the hard rice is fast and sharp when launched and may ricochet back into your eyes and 2) because if you're eating uncooked rice, there's something wrong with you. This warning also applies to flavoured rice, minute rice, wild, brown, shortgrain, and all other rice varieties.

Should you be the victim of projectile rice rockets, please remain calm. Commence clean-up with a soft dry cloth immediately, before the rice has an opportunity to dry and harden.