November 20, 2008

Sleep, Interrupted

I think I'm getting the same amount of sleep since Halia's birth, but the amount of sleep isn't the problem. The problem is the length of time that I get to sleep before I'm woken up. And it's not even Halia's fault. It's Jade's (and the cat's and the telephone's).

Jade, for some mysterious reason (she's doing great on the ketogenic diet, by the way), falls asleep at the normal time, but then wakes up and REFUSES to go back to sleep until well after midnight. Oh, she'll pretend to be asleep, but the moment my head hits the pillow and I start to drift off to the land of Nod, she starts crying. Or talking. Or playing. Or crying and playing and talking at the same time. Since Fawn is usually attached to Halia (or, rather, since Halia is usually attached to Fawn), guess whose responsibility it is to deal with Jade?

All of this has resulted in the bizarre situation of the mother of a newborn getting better sleep than the father.

And the father is going insane! As I type this (23:46), she is STILL not asleep! She is pretending to be asleep, but she's not asleep. Not even close! She'll be at this "game" until well past 1:00 am, I'm sure!

I'd try to fall asleep, but I have learned this past week that trying to fall asleep is worse than trying to stay awake. The whole getting-woken-up-the-moment-I-try-to-fall-asleep-thing is maddening! MADDENING!

It's worse than...

... telemarketers calling every time you sit down to your supper!

...a line of people giving you "wet willies"!

...trying to go for a pee at a public urinal, but getting constantly interrupted mid-stream because someone keeps pinching your bum!

Of course, none of those things have happened to me, but they were the only things that I could think of that come anywhere close to describing the frustrations and insanity caused by the sleep-deprivation torture tactics that are being inflicted on me by my own daughter.

And it is torture!

But I'll show her. I won't spill the beans. I'll tell her nothing. Nothing!

Just my name, rank and cereal number...

Meandering Michael
Second-in-command, Parental Unit
Two scoops of raisins.


Anonymous said...

You're right about it being worse to fall asleep - to start drifting off to that magical place of slumber where your body is heavy and you sink into the bed - than attempt to stay awake. That almost asleep pattern quickly results in more grumpiness and temper tantrums...but not from the child, but from dad! Been there, my friend, and I don't miss it one bit :)

Anonymous said...

Oh Michael - I suspect Jade is doing a number on you instead of showing her jealousy over little sister. It's all completely natural and will subside once she realises in her own mind that neither you nor Fawn loves her any less because there's someone to share everything with.
My niece started having to run to the bathroom every five minutes or so after her brother was born... After a couple of weeks of this, they had made an appointment with a specialist pediatrician.
Then the niece was to stay at Grandma's for a weekend. When she came home on Sunday afternoon, she no longer had to go every 5 minutes (with Mom or Dad in attendance) and the specialist appointment was cancelled.
Have faith -this too will pass!

Anonymous said...

With a 38-week snoring pregnant wife and an ever-waking toddler of two, Dad is having a rough go of it here as well.

Here's our tip: Yukon Explosives sells a wonderful assortment of effective earplugs.

Meandering Michael said...

Gen, great idea! I'll have to drop by and get a pair.

Do they also sell rib protectors for the inevitable elbow-to-the-ribs that I'll get from my wife when I fail to attend to the screaming child? :P

Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan said...

So what is the story behind the urinal comment? hehehe

Meandering Michael said...

There IS no urinal story. None of those things have ever happened to me. I was just trying to describe what it was like to get woken up every time you try to fall asleep!

Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan said...

uh huh.... sure there is no story...

Meandering Michael said...

Yes, how could I possibly make something like that up?