November 28, 2007

So much for hope.

We found out around Hallowe'en. It was something we'd been hoping for for a while, so I was pretty thrilled when Fawn told me the news. I was going to be a dad again.

If you read Fawn's blog, then the news of the new addition is no surprise to you. I didn't blog about when I found out. I don't know why. Maybe it just didn't seem real yet. But I still told everyone on Facebook.

When we were in Mexico (more on that another time), things started to go wrong. Fawn started bleeding. At the time, we were told by a friend who happens to be a doctor that it sometimes happens and that we shouldn't worry.

When we got back, Fawn went to the doctor's office and got an ultrasound arranged for this coming Friday.

But I guess there's no point in having the ultrasound now. The child was born. It was just born eight months too early.

While I think Fawn always knew, I was hopeful. I always felt a little glimmer of hope.

I just found out. I found out by reading Fawn's blog. I'm sitting on the bus on my way from Richmond, BC to Bellingham, WA. I'm on my way to get the car I bought on our way to Mexico. The bus has a wireless Internet connection, which I think is pretty cool, but it was very hard to find out this way.

While I'm upset about the child that I will never get to see grow and develop, I'm even more upset that I'm not in Whitehorse with my wife.

It's just not right.

I know that from every life experience there is a lesson. Sometimes the lesson is obvious. Sometimes the lesson will only be revealed when the time is right. Before it happened, I was trying to figure out what the lesson might be. I couldn't find one, and that only made me angry.

It is only now, as I sit on the bus waiting to clear customs, that I understand.

The lesson is that, no matter how important other things might seem, family is the most important thing of all.

I wish I was there with you, Fawn. I'll be home soon.


Anonymous said...

I don't know what I can or what to say other than deepest sympathies from Dee and I.


Anonymous said...

I'm sitting here in my office crying for you. I just saw you and Fawn on Monday and I didn't know. I'm so sorry. Deepest sympathies from Kelly and I.

ExploreNorth said...

I am so sorry, Michael. Cathy and I send our deepest sympathies to you and Fawn.

Anonymous said...

Hugs....wish we could be with all three of you. I talked to Fawn tonight, but wish I could talk to you too! I'll call when you get home.

Speaka said...

My condolences to you and your family.

dogsled_stacie said...

I've already talked to Fawn, but wanted to express my sympathies to you Michael. Your post was very heartfelt and dammit, now I'm weepy....