It's an affliction I've suffered from my entire life. I've tried to overcome it time and time again but to no avail.
It has gotten to the point where, if I were to go to a job interview and someone were to ask me what my greatest weakness is, it would be this.
People laugh when I tell them. "It's all in your head!" they declare. Then they laugh some more.
No, it's more that just embarrassing, it's a health issue.
I can't swallow pills.
I've tried! Believe me, I've tried! I can swallow big globs of food, but if there's a hard little pill in there, I can't make it go down. I've tried tucking it on the back of my tongue. I've tried washing it down with big gulps of water or juice. I've tried jam and applesauce and hiding it in my food. My tongue always finds it and stops it from going down.
A couple of days ago, I managed to succeed in my attempt to wash it back with water - only to have the pill come up and get stuck in my nasal cavity (like when you sneeze food out your nose). The attempt (and subsequent recoil) was accompanied by a spray of water out of my mouth and nose with much coughing and hacking. Jade looked petrified to see her father in such a state. Fawn laughed.
Today, I tried tucking the pill waaaaaaaay back on my tongue. It almost worked until my tongue recoiled in horror and brought the pill forward. The gag was so strong that I sprained my tongue.
Yes, I sprained my tongue trying to swallow a pill.
No, it's not funny.
It's not funny to me, anyway. Fawn laughed. She tried to hide it, but it was poorly concealed. When I pointed it out, she laughed even harder.
I shall try again. I will try again.