Filed by: Agent M.
Agent F and I continue to investigate the mysterious cause of the young child's seizures.
Over the course of our investigation, we have eliminated the most likely causes of the child's affliction: demonic possession, messages from God, foreign objects that have been implanted by aliens, and the early stages of telekinesis.
For two concurrent mornings, Agent Fawn and I have had to control the child's seizures by administering emergency doses of diazepam. The child does not seem to enjoy this procedure - likely because the medication is administered via a rectal probe.
Today, while performing a routine oral cleanse with a bristled wand, Model TB-498, I discovered that the child has a new molar. Is there a correlation between the sudden appearance of the molar and the sudden increase in the child's seizure activity? It seems likely, since growth and growth-related pain have the potential to lower the child's seizure threshold.
As follow-up, later this week, we will be taking the child to the seizure specialists at the Vancouver Bureau to discuss this development and options for future treatment.
While Agent Fawn seems reluctant to discuss this, I am concerned that our objectivity may have been compromised in this case. During our time together, we have formed a strong personal attachment with the child in question.
- Agent M.
I am so glad you two aren't losing your sense of humour!
Hope some progress can be made on your next trip!!
Oh, I lost my sense of humour ages ago. My new-found insanity just manifests itself in a way that looks like a sense of humour, which, come to think of it, explains a lot about the rest of my family.
Insanity is hereditary. I got it from my children!
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