Recently, when Jade was fighting off some strange sort of tongue-sore-inducing virus, she spent most nights in bed with us. Fawn's growing belly is taking up a little more room, too - but I don't have a problem with either Jade's presence or Fawn's growing belly.
There is a far greater menace in our bed than a growing child and a growing belly and it is threatening my good night's sleep. It is threatening to suffocate me. It is threatening to push me right out of the bed. "It" is a "they" and "they" are "pillows".
Fawn says she uses the pillows to support her back, legs, neck, fingers, toes, eyelashes and whatever else that needs supporting when one is pregnant.
I think she's secretly using them as a weapon in a fiendish campaign to have total dominion over the bed.
I would fight back, but I don't know how. If I punch the pillows, nothing happens. If I hurl them from the room, they somehow make their way back.
And they seem to be reproducing, because there's no way that we own so many pillows. I know that I've never bought one.
If this keeps up, I will be forced to plant a flag on the couch to claim the couch for my very own.
"I hereby claim this couch in the name of A Good Night's Sleep!"