September 17, 2008

There were three in the bed and the little one said...

Fawn and I don't have a large bed, and it has been growing rather cozy of late. By "cozy", I mean "cramped".

Recently, when Jade was fighting off some strange sort of tongue-sore-inducing virus, she spent most nights in bed with us. Fawn's growing belly is taking up a little more room, too - but I don't have a problem with either Jade's presence or Fawn's growing belly.

There is a far greater menace in our bed than a growing child and a growing belly and it is threatening my good night's sleep. It is threatening to suffocate me. It is threatening to push me right out of the bed. "It" is a "they" and "they" are "pillows".

Fawn says she uses the pillows to support her back, legs, neck, fingers, toes, eyelashes and whatever else that needs supporting when one is pregnant.

I think she's secretly using them as a weapon in a fiendish campaign to have total dominion over the bed.

I would fight back, but I don't know how. If I punch the pillows, nothing happens. If I hurl them from the room, they somehow make their way back.

And they seem to be reproducing, because there's no way that we own so many pillows. I know that I've never bought one.

If this keeps up, I will be forced to plant a flag on the couch to claim the couch for my very own.

"I hereby claim this couch in the name of A Good Night's Sleep!"


Craig said...

It's not just you, we've seen a marked increase in pillow deployment in our home too! We've increased from 4 to 8, and last week a big one showed up on top of the 8. I'm not talking King sized pillow, I'm talking 5 foot long and 2 feet around HUGE pillow.

It's so bad, that I know Cat's out of town, but I can't prove it at night because the pillows still occupied enough of the bed to create doubt.

I'm fortunate enough to have a full king sized bed so there was room for them... "WAS" is key here, if that big one multiplies I'm off to the other bedroom!

Meandering Michael said...

Although your comment should give me comfort (knowing that I'm not alone), it has actually caused me a great deal of concern. I'm beginning to fear that the bed-conquering tactics that I'm experiencing might be part of a larger coordinated offensive. Somebody call CSIS! Craig, you call Homeland Security!

Anonymous said...

Hi Michael - I like your pillow post!! Right now we have 4 pillow on the bed and an additional 5 decorative pillows on the floor. Simon seems to go along with it all. I had to chuckle at your three in the bed.... My older sister just moved back home with her three little ones (6, 4, 3) to my parents place in Osgoode. Colleen moved back to go to teacher's college for to teach High School Math & Physics. (Peter's minding the fort back in Georgetown). My parent's room and the kids rooms are all upstairs.... so most nights since September when my 3 & 4 yr old nieces get scared or get the sniffles, they squeeze into the "tiny" Queen Size bed between my 6'4" dad, & 5'4" mom and lots of pillows. If my nephew crawls in, my dad said that 5 is definetely the limit and he'll move to the couch!!!