August 19, 2008

I'm a guardian. Can you dig it?

Are you one of those people who likes to sculpt jumps and obstacles on walking/biking/sledding trails? Do you specialize in the kinds of jumps that defy the laws of physics and common sense? Do your alterations make it dangerous for other unsuspecting, less-skilled people than yourselves to use the trails? Maybe you were working on a vertical take-off jump today or the day before? Maybe, in your trail-altering efforts, you left an I-beam lying across a trail on a blind, downhill corner that other, poor, unsuspecting cyclists could hit, causing them to do an endover, trashing themselves and their bikes1?

If this sounds like you, you'll be disappointed to know that I moved your I-beam into a less treacherous position. I moved something else while I was at it.

Your beautiful, flat-bladed shovel.

Now, I thought long and hard before I moved the shovel. I didn't want you to return to find it missing and then think that somebody had stolen it. I wouldn't want to inflict that sort of mental stress on you. Goodness knows, your brain must be "taxed to the max" already.

That's why I'm writing this entry - to let you know that I have your shovel.

I mean, you put such care and attention into your trail alterations, naturally, you must put just as much care into the maintenance your tools - and would never, ever, knowingly, leave such an excellent shovel exposed to the elements. I can only assume that you or a friend got injured and had to hastily depart for urgent medical attention. Under such circumstances, it only makes sense that you would want someone to take your shovel into their protective care.

For this reason, I am happy to act as the guardian for your shovel until you are well enough to retrieve it from me. Please don't hurry, though; I'm sure your shovel and I will have an excellent time this winter, sculpting snow together.

1Fortunately, I stopped in the nick of time and sustained no damage to my bike or myself.

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