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July 02, 2009

Homo sapiens touristicus beringiae

Cue Hinterland Who's Who music.

Every summer, Homo sapiens touristicus beringiae, also known as "the Alaskan and Yukon tourist", migrate from around the world to congregate along Alaskan and Yukon highways. The migration may take place only once in a touristicus beringiae's entire life, but it may also happen as often as every season.

Touristicus beringiae are frequently sighted in packs, but have been known to travel in small groups or even on their own. Of those that travel in packs, they are typically observed huddled together, around an alpha human known as the "tour guide".  

A flock of Homo sapiens touristicus beringiae.

When a flock of touristicus beringiae observes native wildlife, they will huddle in a group and emit an excited "chatter" that is punctuated by sighs, squeals, and "oooh-ing".

This group of touristicus beringiae has stopped along their migration path to chatter over an Alces alces gigas.

During the animal observation ritual, touristicus beringiae will raise black or silver boxes to their eyes. While this ritual makes it difficult to see the object of their attention, biologists have discovered that helps with toursticus beringae's memory recall. 

It is exceptionally rare to see touristicus beringiae more than 300 metres from their transportation device.  They appear to enjoy the wilderness, but only from the apparent safety of an urban environment.  For this reason, they will not stray off of the paved and gravel surfaces along the highway.
Huddled in a small group, emitting an excited chatter. Touristicus beringiae are seldom found further than a few hundred metres from their transportation device.

At night, this flock of touristicus beringiae will nest in the tiny rooms at the Beaver Creek Westmark before continuing with their northern migration.

Cue Hinterland Who's Who music.

For more on the Yukon and Alaskan Tourist, don't bother visiting Hinterland Who's Who. Visit the Tourism Industry Association of the Yukon instead.


3 comments:

Carolyn said...

Oh Michael, thanks for my morning laugh...couldn't have said it better. Have a great summer and thanks for sharing.
Smiles

Jennybell said...

Yes God forbid they leave the gravel and do damage to the environment. Is that a biodiesel bus?? I noted a "fanny pack" nothing says tourist like a man wearing a fanny pack.
Be glad you're not here. Hot air balloon festival. Lots of people driving curving roads they don't know looking up as hot air balloons slowly float along, while driving.

indigo said...

hilarious!

my own personal favourites though are the octogenarian Texans in the rolling apartment blocks travelling in herds with the alpha leader replete with bright orange vests and numbers plastered to their windshields who must have a lemming like urge to "go on up to 'laska" before they die. We have risked life and limb passing them after Dawson City before they head into "those thar hills"

One chirped to me one day "we only stop for gas, brought everything else with us"