Three things my wife knows about me.

A long, long time ago, I was sent a chainmail e-mail that exempted me from ever having to respond to memes, chain letters, or any of that other junk you get over the Internet. It granted me the ability to ignore all of that voluntarily-sent spam, guilt-free, risk-free, and or-else-something-bad-is-gonna-happen-free.  Hitting the delete button on a "pass this along to seven of your friends and back to the person that sent it to you to show that you really care about them" message is truly one of modern life's simple pleasures.

Last night, yukonchatterbug left a comment on my blog to let me know that I have been tagged in a respond-and-pass-it-on-type scheme. It works like this:

You have to ask your significant other to tell you three things that they know about you and then publish this information on your blog. You also have to pick more victims and then go to their blogs and leave them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged. The comment must end with the word ‘pthththth’. I don’t know why, I am just repeating what I was told.

After some hemming and hawing, even though I have the blessings of the "un-chainmail" on my side, I decided to participate.

What made me change my mind? Well, yukonchatterbug seems like a nice person.  Mostly, though, I was curious to know what my wife would say about me.

Here's what she said:

1) You are the Pied Piper.  Any party you go to with kids ends with a flock of them following you around, even if you don't speak the same language.
So true.  I don't know how it happens, but if there are kids at a get-together, I usually become the object of interest.  I'm not entirely sure how it happens.  It's not something I do on purpose.  It's like there's some sort of weird magnet.  Still, I can't really complain.  The conversations that kids have (even when they don't speak the same language) are generally far more interesting than the ones had by adults.  No offense to all the adults out there, but you're just not interesting sometimes.

2) You have itchy feet.
I think I got it from my dad.  It's not a fungal infection, it's just a desire, an urge, a need to travel and explore - and the more remote that place is, the better.  They say that everyone has at least one addiction.  I don't drink or smoke or do drugs, so that must be mine.  When I haven't been able to sate my cravings, I go into withdrawal and display many of the same symptoms as recovering smokers and drinkers and drug addicts.  

I have itchy feet right now.

The only cure is not a twelve-step program, but a twelve-thousand step program.

3) You don't care a fig about fashion.

I'll take function over style any day of the week, any week of the year and any year of the century.  I've had to change a car tire wearing a suit before.  What a stupid, useless fashion suits are.

When a friend of mine wore open-toed shoes with 3" heels at -40^oC, I could not comprehend why she would ever do such an insane (and dangerous) thing.  Sure, she had her reasons, but I was baffled.  No explanation she could give me made any sense.  I was utterly stumped and still am.

I will admit that there are special occasions where dressing-up is important (weddings and funerals, for example), but that's when wearing nice, otherwise useless, clothes is about paying ones respects; not about being the best looking.

Really, the thing about fashion that bothers me is the judging.  To judge someone based on how good or how "fashionable" their clothes are, is in my mind, as useless and insulting as judging someone based on their race or cultural background¹.  Sure, clothes are a little easier to change than ones race, but why should it matter?  

When I see someone who frets over what people will think of the clothes they're wearing, I'm seeing someone who doesn't think they're good enough, just as they are.  And that's sad.

So, that's what my wife knows about me and now you do too.

As for passing this along, I've decided to exercise my un-chainmail letter granted ability to NOT pass it along.  Instead, what I'll do is pass is back to yukonchatterbug, with some minor changes that, I think, will make the whole thing far more interesting.  Here it is:

You have to share something about yourself that you don't want your spouse to know about².  You must publish this information on your blog. You cannot pick any more victims and then go to their blogs and leave them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged. The word ‘pthththth’ need not be used in any comments. I don’t know why, that's just the way I want it.

¹  Distinction:  I am aware that I am judging people who judge people based on what they're wearing, but I am not judging people who judge people based on what they're wearing based on what they're wearing.  Just so that's clear.

²  Cruel, eh?  OK, just to be nice, the terms are subject to negotiation. :)